Happiness is Imaginary 23/08/14

Pretending to be happy,
Is so much easier,
Than letting people know,
That you're sad.

Dreams 22/08/14

All of my dreams, 

Are painfully unattainable-

But tell me I can't do it.

I dare you, 

There will be hell to pay.

21/08/14

Sometimes I like my body,
Soft and warm,
All curves and slopes,
Not a sharp edge in sight.
I think-
It's beautiful in its own way.

20/08/14

I wish you weren't so vain/
I wish I weren't so vain.
I don't like you-
Not in that way at least.
Get over yourself.
You don't like the idea,
Of me liking you-
And that hurts for some reason.
I really should.
Get over myself.

Who Am I 19/08/14

I'm so fucking confused-
About this and that,
About you,
But mostly about me.

Fear Anxiety Dread 18/08/14

Embrace the dread,
In my chest,
Try to understand the beast,
That escapes in ferocious waves,
From my eyes.

Detachment 17/08/14

I could leave tomorrow,
And live the rest of my life-
Happily,
Without ever missing you.
Part of me is sorry-
But the other part is so terribly proud,
That I've distanced my self so well.

Comparative 16/08/14

I'm not half as good as I'd like to believe,
And not a quarter as good as-
You.

Worth 15/08/14

I'm so scared
I'm so worthless
No one ever listened to me

14/08/14

Those poachers,
Would stare at me and think,
"What a miserable thing,"
And then leave me to bleed out,
From the wounds they created,
Just because I'm so pitiful.

Some Days I Want to Die 13/08/14

Do you think,
Death would seem as sweet-
From the other side?

Affection 12/08/14

I have so much love in my heart,
It pains me.
Splitting at the seams with this-
Unrequited affection.
Opening like a bullet wound,
Straight through me,
I love you all so much-
It pains me.

Vanity and Self Deprecation 11/08/14

I used to think I was second place,
But honestly that's far too vain-
I was probably never considered,
Your friend as I considered you mine.

Plasticine 10/08/14

From my brain to my heart,
Every single part of me,
Is so fake-
I hoped someone would notice,
But then I realised-
Nobody cares.

Lock Down 09/08/14

One day,
I might quietly whisper to you-
How sad I am.
Or perhaps,
Some burdens are best carried-
Alone.

The Invisible Girl 08/08/14

Don't mind me,
I didn't say anything,
Please, continue,
Should I try your name once more?
Shit. You didn't hear me,
I shouldn't talk,
You're not interested.
I'm not interesting.
My thoughts aren't interesting.
I should just keep or to my self,
No one cares, anyway.
It was stupid, anyway.
My ideas are stupid, anyway.
I'll just say something simple,
Please look at me,
I hate talking to you,
I speak, but say nothing.
I wish I could shut up.
I wish I could speak up.
This is frustrating,
I hate being so loud.
All noise, no substance.
Slowly-
I'm becoming invisible.

Anxious 07/08/14

Anxiety is not a beast,
That roars and rampages,
It is swift,
And silent,
You hardly know it's there,
Until your eyes well with tears,
And your chest contains a storm,
Hot as fire and cold as ice,
Swirling down to your stomach,
And up to your throat,
Until deep breaths cannot expel any more,
And all you can do is sit quietly,
Waiting for the unwelcome tenant,
To take its leave.

Don't Look 06/08/14

Do not look at me for too long,
I'm scared you'll see everything.
The oiliness of my hair,
The spottiness of my skin,
The messiness of my brows,
The laziness of my eye,
The asymmetry of my nose,
The length of my chin,
The large masculinity of my body.
The reason I cannot look you in the eyes,
Is because I'm so deeply scared,
That you may see everything.

05/08/14

I mostly get sad when I recall,
For all the time I spend concerned,
Worried-
Fretting-
Over you,
You would not care,
Were I more obvious with the deep,
Hollow-
Empty-
Inside me.

Thoughts on Love 04/08/14

Isn't love a gruesome thing.
Writhing and spewing.
How miserable.

Self Love is a Difficult Concept 03/08/14

I thought by loving others,
I might learn to love myself,
But now all my heart is spent,
And the bloody, still beating pieces,
I fought so painfully to give away,
Are worth nothing-
In the eyes,
Of the strangers I gave them to.

Smile 02/08/14

I cannot find smiles,
In the dark of my room,
Or in the hollows of my eyes.
Because I enjoy your company,
But I'm afraid-
I just can't enjoy mine.

Bad Infatuation 01/08/14

I became somehow
Infatuated,
With the brown in your eyes-
And the blue in your heart.

Friendship Anxiety 30/07/14

You are so bright,
I can only just-
Make shadow puppets against you.
But my hands shake,
And messily formed
Shapes emerge,
Never mind,
I'm sorry

Jealousy 29/07/14

Don't talk to me about jealousy-
I know him all too well-
Snarling and seething,
All fangs and sharp edges-
I am that green eyed monster.